I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
