That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
