It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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