I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
