But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am one with the molecules
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
