The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
