my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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