Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
