Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
