I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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