and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Farmville is her only friend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
