when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
