with your own penis?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
