areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
