Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
