if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
