it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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