You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
