I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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