It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
