I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
