i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize