dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
