So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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