Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
