She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think my moral compass just broke
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