Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
