Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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