I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
