i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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