just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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