You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
