the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
