Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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