Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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