no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
