i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she woke up with a sticky ear
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
