I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
