So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
