whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
another moral hangover. fuck.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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