i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
