There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
