Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
