Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
