He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
