I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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