Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
