Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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