i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My liver just had a heart attack.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
