I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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