You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
