It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
