Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
